Singleness in the Queendom: How to approach and be content in your season of singleness.
How did I get here.
Seasons of singleness. We all find ourselves in them at one point or another. Not only do we find ourselves in them, but we find ourselves in them, and feeling lifeless, hopeless, and to be honest...downright lonely. We find ourselves thinking "Lord, how am I supposed to get through this?" "How long will I be single, and what am I supposed to do with the time in between?" Here is what you do sis. You fall in love with God. Now, I know, I know. This sounds crazy, and if we can get real for just a moment, not even what you want to hear right now. But let me explain myself sis. You see, I speak from experience. At 25, I've spent 10 years of that with a chronic broken heart. What I mean is, every relationship that I've ever been in has failed. And 9 times out of 10 it was always the same issue. They cheated. But what if I also had some part in the failure of my relationships? Crazy idea right? But the truth of the matter sis is this, in reality sometimes, we contribute in ways that we don't recognize because we have brokenness that we are unaware of and blind to. And so we go through relationships repeating same cycles, and we wonder "how am I going through the same thing, but with different people each time?" Well, it's because there is an area or areas of brokenness inside of you that you aren't acknowledging, or that you are completely oblivious to. Single doesn't make you less valuable. Single doesn't make you less desirable. Single simply means that you were brave enough to commit to yourself for a change. To take time to put your heart under construction, and get with God and rebuild. You were honest enough to say, "I need some time alone." And let me just say, that kind of honesty, bravery, and vulnerability is actually one of the most attracting things God ever gifted a woman with.
The approach.
How do I approach my season of singleness? Well now you're asking the right question. You step outside of what you want, and you embrace the season of singleness that God has allowed you to enter into. Each season in our life is intentional. And what I mean by intentional is that God has a reason, a purpose, and a plan for every season of our lives. And sometimes we fight or prolong the process because we don't want to be single. We don't want to be alone. "I'm 25 and all of my friends are getting married. I'm sick of being alone!" Well sis, I have news for you. You will continue to repeat this same cycle, until you finally get enough of it. And it will break you, and you will be so low that you have no choice but to submit. So what you have to do is say "Ok God. I don't want to be single, and I am so uncomfortable being single. But I'm also tired of experiencing the same issues and pitfalls in my relationships. So help me to embrace this season of singleness, so that I may learn what I need to learn, so that you can heal what is broken, and so that you can make me ready and whole."
Perspective is everything.
Also, your season of singleness is meant to empower you. It's a time of not only healing and reclaiming your broken pieces with the Lord, but it's a time of rediscovery. You get to discover all over again who you are, what you love, what you enjoy. You get to discover new things about yourself and about life. You find out what you want and don't want, and you have an opportunity to fine tune and cultivate different things inside of yourself. The amazing thing is that our of your rubble and your ashes, God reveals your beauty. Isaiah 61:3 God tells us that He will "provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." So many times we look at singleness as brokenness. And yes, you may have some areas of brokenness, but your singleness is a time for you to work with God on that, and then allow Him to heal you in preparation for a new thing, a new season, a new you. Isaiah 43:19 says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." God is always waiting to do something new. He's always ready to take us from one place to another. Your season of singleness is simply preparation for just that. Embrace it.
A blessing or a curse?
Instead of looking at singleness as a curse, see the blessings in it. First of all, you get to grow your relationship with God. You get to find out what true intimacy and love is from the Father, the everlasting and unfailing source. It's a chance to lean on God fully, and wholly. God wants us to depend on Him for everything. He wants to know that we trust Him, and that we know He is with us. When people are finally removed, and you are left alone, your eyes are opened to the God Who has always been and always will be right there. And it forces you to press into Him, to call on Him, to seek Him. Your pain will activate your reliance and trust in God. Another blessing is the peace that comes with being single. Think about it, it's just you. You aren't distracted, hindered by, stressed out or uprooted by people or your feelings for them. The great part about being single is it strengthens your focus so supernaturally. You become aware of everything around you, and everything inside of you. There are so many things about myself that I never knew until I became single and got alone with God.
The gains.
Your purpose is usually birthed in your season of singleness, where you are hearing from God clearly and He has you alone and can work through you. There is a you that God is waiting to introduce you to, but you have got to be willing to sit with Him alone, and do some digging and some growing. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7 that " I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." Here, he is referring to his state of singleness. Why would he say singleness was a gift though? Well, think about it. When you are single, you are completely free to serve God without the distraction of a relationship. God is a jealous God, and He will not have you put anyone or anything ahead of Him. Where you are right now, and in this state is where He has you because right now you best serve the kingdom in your single state. He has ordained a purpose and a plan for your life. God says in Jeremiah 1:5 ""Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." The truth is, God knows when, and how you will serve the kingdom the most. So the thing to remember, (and perhaps it will give you some perspective) is that God knows both the desires of your heart, and also the plan He has for your life. He has you right where He needs you to accomplish what He has for you to accomplish in this season. And when you have accomplished all that He has for you to here, THEN God will begin to transition you into another season. All of this to say...if you're single right now, embrace it. Know that it is not by accident, and that God has something great in store for you. Take pride in it, and get excited about the fact that God trusts you so much, that He has chosen you to be a part of His plan. And then, take solace in the fact, that God knows your heart. He knows you want to be married, and have a family. And you will. But in His time, and when it best serves His kingdom. Until then....learn to be content and joyful in this season (Philippians 4:12). God is about to do something great both in, and with your life sister.
God's got you in the palm of His hand, so let Him hold you for awhile!
From my heart to yours,
Amanda Hill, Founder of Queendom Peak